Frozen Fireworks
by PoizenLovePuppet
Summary: SasoDei. AU. Oneshot. New Years and its fireworks remind Deidara of last year, and the friends he had to leave behind, one friend in particular, who he misses. It doesn't seem as though there's any way this year can live up to the past.


With the light off, I stand at the narrow window of my room, staring out. I wish I could be out there. The only light in my room is coming from the computer screen next to my window, which was now black, indicating that it's on standby.

It's New Year.

Exactly New Year and there are fireworks catapulting into the sky, crashing into nothing and burning brightly up there. It's breath taking. I wish I was out there.

Last year, I told my parents I was staying over at a friends, whose parents had gone on holiday and couldn't give us away, and we went down to the city.

Now those were some amazing fireworks, I tell you. The city's on a river, and they let the fireworks up on the far side, which they had blocked off, so you had to watch it from across the river. But I tell you, I've never seen anything so beautiful in my life. My parents never take me out, so I'd never been to the city for New Year before. So my friends and I stood with the crowd, pressed against the safety barriers that were at the rivers stone bank and stared up at the display. We had some of our own stuff, too. But only small things, kids' fireworks really. Sparklers and flaming lion tops, and those crackling frog things, that jump around like crazy, and we set that stuff off too.

I've always loved fireworks, as long as I can remember, but that night, last year, was the most amazing thing I ever saw. It caught me and haunted me for the rest of the year, its beauty stuck in my head like the lyrics of a song.

But that was New Year last year, and everything is different now. So this year, on New Years eve, I'm standing on my own in my room, leaning against the windowsill and pressing my face to the glass, trying to get a better view of the display they're putting on in the field opposite my house.

It's nothing compared to last year, but then again, this is just some silly little town that doesn't want to be noticed, so I guess this is the best I'll get. Well, actually, I could be out there. I know as well as anyone that if I were out there, setting off those fireworks, they would look a million times better. It's just the way it is.

I know that any choreography of fireworks I could create would never be anything to rival the display I saw last year, but for a little town like this...

But there's no point. For a moment I consider sitting down at my computer and watching the video of the cities' fireworks that I know will be being broadcast. I also know there's no point, that it will only make me feel worse, knowing I was there last year but not now. And knowing why.

Staring out the window, I sigh, recalling the exact events last year.

It had been Konans' idea, seeing as her parents were out, and that she knew they'd never bother to check up on her.

Konan was smart and pretty and sociable, our bumble bee to the rest of the world, so to speak. It was obvious it would be her who suggested something like that. Especially since if she wasn't with her friends, she'd be alone at home, since her parents had abandoned her and gone on holiday. I always thought it was a bit weird that her parents did that, but I guess that's not really my business, and in the end everyone has their own problems.

So she suggested it to the rest of us. Pein had helped organise it, so he was definitely in with the plan.

Pein was the obvious one to organise it, he was always the leader, and always would be. I think he was a bit of a control freak actually, but in this instance I think he was helping because he didn't want Konan to be alone. They were closer than the rest of us, Pein and Konan. I remember laughing my head off when I noticed all his piercings lit up with every firework.

Kisame had seemed a lot more interested than Itachi, but I got the feeling it was more because he knew we'd have alcohol with us than the prospect of fireworks. But that was Kisame for you. Itachi, as I already said, didn't seem very interested, but even though he hadn't said anything or shown any interest, everyone knew he was coming. Because Kisame was coming, and if Kisame was there, there was no way Itachi wouldn't be.

Kisame and Itachi were inseparable. I guess you could say they were a couple, though none of us ever really bothered to dig into their private stuff too deeply. They wanted to keep the details of their relationship to themselves, so we let them. It was a bit weird, them being like that and all, because they were so different. I think Itachi was some kind of 'prodigy', though I hate that kind of word, but he was a little unsociable, all quiet and stuff. He didn't like people he didn't know touching him, and he got really scary when he was angry. Not loud scary, but really really quiet scary. He just sort of narrowed his eyes and said about one word, and most people would be running for their lives.

And he was short, don't forget that he was short.

Kisame wasn't like that at all. He was always showing off, and just being really really loud. I guess together they made the same amount of noise as two normal people. Kisame was big and strong, the complete opposite of Itachi, but what Itachi said, Kisame did. If Itachi had told Kisame he didn't want to go, we would have been two people short, not one.

I think Zetsu had some problems deciding. But Zetsu always has problems with that. Zetsu was schizo, or something like that at least. Although maybe it was multiple personality disorder, seeing as Schizophrenia is voices in the head, kind of illusions, and Zetsu seemed to have two people inside him who were constantly disagreeing. Except on some things, though I'd rather not go into details. So while we were talking, Zetsu was trying to reason his other half that he really wanted to go. We didn't really take much notice until he announced he was definitely coming with us: to us, that was just Zetsu and that was who was our friend, there was no point in getting between him and himself.

There was a lot of stuff to Zetsu other than the mental condition, though. Neither of his personalities was ever normal. He liked raw meat, and like I said, I don't want to give any details, because it freaked me out. Apart from that Zetsu was cool, though we were really his only friends. And just because he was psychotic, it didn't mean he was stupid. Zetsu was smart as hell, his speciality was biology. Though he was best at the plant stuff, you know, photosynthesis and so on, I never understood that stuff. Zetsu loved plants, so I guess it wasn't a surprise he was good at that stuff.

But sometimes when I watched Zetsu I wondered why he was that way. I hope to god he was born that way, even if that sounds mean, because if someone else did that too him...

So that left the other three, who were harder. Kakuzu wanted a good reason, which, coming from Kakuzu, meant he wanted to know how exactly he could get money out of this trip. There was no way Kakuzu would come if he lost money by having to pay for the train ticket. So we had to figure out a way that Kakuzu could make a profit out of it so that he'd come. In the end, we all bought a ton of sparklers from the little shop I town, where we suspected most of the goods were stolen, and convinced him he could sell then for a profit, which was likely, seeing as selling them for _anything_ would make a profit on what we paid, seeing as that shops main point seemed to be selling things as quickly as possible. It also just happened to be Kakuzus' favourite shop, I'll point out.

I guess that tells you just about everything that you could want to know about Kakuzu. He was all about money, always, at any given moment. And he could sell literally anything. It wasn't even like his family was poor, or we guessed they weren't, since he lived on his own in a pretty damn expensive flat. And he never showed his face, which was annoying, caus we got kicked out of I don't even know how many shops and bars and so on because he wouldn't take the stupid thing covering his face off.

Then there was Hidan. Hidan was tricky. His first objection to coming with us was that _his_ religion celebrated New Year on a different date. That made things difficult, because taking Hidan to a "heathen festival" (as he put it) could have been a lot easier.

Hidan was our Religious Fanatic. And Fanatic written with a capital for a reason. Hidan was never easy to deal with, but it was almost impossible to deal with him when it had something to with his religion. And of course, Hidan would start a fight about everything, with anyone. He got us into a lot of trouble, a lot of times.

Until we met Hidan, not a single one of us had heard of his religion. Some people, no names, therefore decided to reason with Hidan that it was a 'sect'. Not a good move. But Hidan wasn't necessarily a horrible person, even if he started a fight with anyone, blew up at any mention of his religion that didn't suit him, and swore to no end. People always have this impression of religious types as V-neck knitted jumper, stripy shirt and brown corduroy wearing, feeble looking, (little) nerds. Big mistake. Hidan was nothing like that. You were lucky if he bothered to wear a shirt at all, let alone stripy one together with a knitted V-neck jumper. Not that a lot of the girls back then would have thanked you for convincing him too, either. Hidan was never exactly bad looking.

By then, we had already convinced Kakuzu to go, so I guess that helped. But it also made it more risky. If Hidan didn't go, there was always a chance Kakuzu would pull out, though it was unlikely after we had convinced him that there was a profit to be made. But there was still a risk. I think in the end Kisame told him to be a fucking man because it was just a few fireworks and a chance to get drunk.

Not that New Year has much to do with New Year anyway, Kakuzu explained at that point, it's actually about Taxes. I swear, Kakuzu was the only teenager ever who would know that. And I can't even remember what it had to do with taxes.

In the end, Hidan agreed to come. More because Kakuzu said it wasn't religious than Kisames' rant.

Which left Sasori.

Sasori wouldn't come because he _hated _fireworks. Yes, _hated_ them.

Sometimes I think that was partially my fault that he saw them like that, cause I was always raving on about how they were part of the 'true' art form.

Sasoris' view on art was, well, different from mine. Really different. I can still hear his voice telling me off about it in my head.

"Art is forever" He'd tell me. Over and over again, like if he said it enough times, I would believe it.

I guess it was a bit like Hidan trying to convert people to join his religion; no one else ever saw the point of looking at things from that point of view.

So Sasori and I fought a lot, always about art, though I think it was about more than that for both of us. We both had our reasons for thinking art should be the way we wanted it, and that made us incapable of accepting the others point of view.

I regret that now, though I doubt that I could accept art being "forever" even if Sasori was here now.

But regardless of that, Sasori was the one person I wanted to come with us most. And it wasn't just because I wanted Sasori to see the beauty in those fireworks. I just wanted Sasori there. Out of everyone, Sasori was my best friend, even if we didn't seem like it a lot of the time. Sasori was special. At least to me, even if not to the others.

But Sasori wouldn't come.

Or rather, he wouldn't come out of his own free will.

I talked to him about in the next day, when the others weren't around. As soon as I mentioned it he started the whole can't-you-just-leave-me-alone-sometimes-rant, so in the end I had to press my hands over his mouth and force him to listen to me. It wasn't easy. In the end he just sighed and nodded and said

"If you really want me there, under the condition that you don't mention art in association with the display," he couldn't even say fireworks, which made me giggle, but I promised not to mention it anyway.

I kept that promise, even though I was really exited by those fireworks.

I want to explain more about Sasori. He was kind weird, I guess. But I think we all were. Like I said, Sasori was kind of my best friend, so I guess I should know more about him than the others, but looking back, I'm not so sure I do.

Sasori lived on his own, like Kakuzu, though not for the same reasons. As far as I know, Sasoris' only living relative was his grandmother, who he couldn't stand to be around. He didn't have a nice apartment like Kakuzu, but this little one room attic flat that never struck me as expensive, though it wasn't run down either. His grandmother paid for it, and I guess she did what she could to look after him, even if he refused to live with her. Back then, he had a part time job to pay for extra things, though he got enough money for food sent to him by his grandmother every month. I think he spent most of the money he earned on equipment for his art.

He loved art. Even if it was different from my art, I can appreciate that, and I appreciated it back then, too, I know that much.

I know he still missed his parents a lot, they'd died when he was younger, though I'm not exactly sure how, not that it matters much. Sasori spent a lot of time alone. I wish he hadn't. I had wanted to be around him loads back then, but he shut me out most of the time.

Most of the time. He forgot sometimes.

Except for that, Sasori was just another (extremely stubborn) guy. Well, just another guy in our little gang of extremely weird guys (and Konan, who always got pissed of when we referred to ourselves as 'the guys', which, I guess; is kinda understandable cause she was the only girl, so she had to stick up for herself sometimes).

The lights are crashing against the sky now, making the glass in front of me light up with different shades of colour. It's beautiful. I'm not sure I can explain how or why, but you get the drift.

This is the second wave of fireworks, and I'm not sure how many there will be, so I'm trying to soak up every second of them, though they're already being outshined by the fireworks that're playing through my mind.

I can hear some kid shrieking with laughter or happiness out on the field. I think there's a load of people out there, though I can't see them in the dark, which looks darker because of the bright flares flying about.

The second wave is dieing down now, and I hope that's not it for the night; it would be such a shame.

Downstairs I can hear my mum mumbling something to my sister; I guess it's about New Years resolutions or something. Basically telling her to be a good girl this year. Because it's a celebration, I know that my dad hasn't come home from work, even if I haven't been downstairs all day. He probably won't be back till about three, which is good. It might be a pain though, cause he probably wont have sobered up by then and will make some hell of a noise when he comes in, so I'll get less sleep, not that it matters much, seeing as I don't think I'll get to sleep tonight.

The last of the second wave of fireworks is going out and it's taking my mood with it.

My sister is squealing downstairs. But that's okay, she still pretty young, and she's exited about the idea of a New Year, I don't think my moms really explained that the only thing that changes at New Year is that you have to start writing a different number at the top of your school assignments when you'd only just finally gotten used to the last one.

It's not like it's a life changing thing, New Year. But I won't go down there and tell her that, she has every right to be exited, and happy. I smile at that thought.

I want to make a resolution, but I can't really think of anything I want for next year now, it's not something I've been thinking about much. I didn't even realise it was New Year until my mom started bugging me about getting some sparklers for my sister this morning.

I didn't need to go out to get them. I had three packets left over from last year under my bed, so I gave her one of those.

When I turned around, I must have knocked the table to the side, because it's now showing some signs of life, and a messenger window is open, the words 'HAPPY NEW YEAR' flashing there brightly. It's Tobi, he's my only friend here, though I see him as more of a stalker, and the only other person I now who'd be at home on New Year.

Tobi is okay. Sometimes. He's just so annoying. I regret bugging Sasori so much when I'm around Tobi, cause I sure hope Sasori didn't think about me like this.

The windows dark right now, so I type the greeting back quickly, and glance at the window. I hope there's another wave of fireworks.

I'm wondering where Sasori is while I'm typing. I'm pretty sure he won't be watching the fireworks this year, unless there's someone else close enough to persuade him again this year. I hope there isn't.

It's mean, but I hope he's at home, working on his puppets. It's what he'd do most days, and I don't think that New Year would be any different from most days to Sasori.

The window flashes again, it's Tobi telling me he's going to bed, he's got to work I the morning. I type a quick goodbye, still glancing at the window next to the computer. Tobi doesn't need the job, like Sasori did, but he wants to be good and not bother his parents, so he's got a job instead of pocket money.

I laugh at that. Tobi is a good boy.

We were never good boys. Or girls, in Konans' case, though I think she was pretty good most of the time, seeing as she could have had house parties every second week, the way her parents were. She did throw parties pretty often, just not that often.

Kisame got out the alcohol while we where still on the train. Drinking on trains is illegal kids, you can get fined, as Kakuzu promptly informed us. He didn't drink on the train. Ditto. I don't think anyone really noticed, though. We got the train at five, each of us with a pretty heavy bag full of bottles that had to last until midnight. Of course, that wasn't strictly true, seeing as we had a load of money and Kakuzu had a fake ID. We all did, actually, but Kakuzus' was the best. Don't ask me where he got it. The rest of ours just sorta passed in a busy club or bar. Not in a shop though.

We had the whole cabin of the train to ourselves, except the old couple at the front, who kept of giving us these evil looks, which made most of us laugh.

Halfway, Kisame had already downed a bottle of something, and was trying to get Itachi to drink something, who was refusing at that point. Hidan was sipping on something that was a horrible purple colour, we all knew very well that drinking _wasn't_ against his religion. He was eyeing Kakuzu over the top of his bottle, who was apparently reading a newspaper. Only Kakuzu would do that, read a newspaper on a train when everyone else was starting to get pumped up. He was saving his alc for later. There was no way he'd give out extra cash on more drink. Well, not if it was his money and he didn't get to keep the change.

Konan was sharing something with Pein, no idea what, but for now it was some brightly coloured alcopop, you had to start light if you started at 5 pm. Zetsu didn't have anything out yet, but he would, later, and Zetsu never started light. Sasori wasn't drinking either, I knew that cause he was sitting next to me in a four seat block with Pein and Konan and he gave me a really evil glare when I lent across the walkway to the block of four that the others where sitting in and snatched the bottle Kisame was trying to press onto a completely unresponsive Itachi out of his hand and took a swig. Sitting back down in my seat while Kisame glared at me. Itachi smiled one of his Itachi smiles, that wouldn't have even passed as smiles on anyone other than Itachi, and gave me the thumbs up, which made me laugh. I wasn't to close to Itachi, so it was funny when he acted more human than his usual Über-mensch attitude.

I kept that bottle, though I hadn't even finished it by the end of the train ride. It was 7 then, but we had to hurry anyway, cause all the space close to the river would be taken up by about 9, and we wanted to be right at the front. It took about an hour to get a good spot on the river.

We waited around for ages, just drinking and acting like idiots. We played stupid games like noughts and crosses, and even tried to scratch out a risk board into the square dirt that surrounded a tree in the pavement, next to the statue we had chosen to use as a bench. That didn't work too well, but we tried to play anyway, even if it was messed up. Pein won. Pein always wins risk. And not the way most people do. Pein wins risk by conquering everything, which means that in the end he always sort of manages his mission, and will look at the card with it on at some point in the game (obviously we didn't have cards for this one, so we just used the whoever gets 24 countries first wins rule) he'd look at his mission card and go,

"Oh, I've already done that," it was always annoying as hell, finding out he won 5 turns ago just when your starting to get somewhere, of course, that's only if you survived that long...

So in any case, we passed the time somehow. There were police in those glowy jackets walking up and down, and we got in trouble about two or three times for being loud, though they didn't realise we'd had a lot more to drink than they thought.

It got dark pretty early, since it was winter, and by the time it was nearly midnight it was pitch black. Except for all the stupid people who'd brought torches.

When we had ten minutes to go we huddled up on the statue together, each of us with a bottle in hand and wondering where the hell we'd left our gloves. Except for Hidan, who wasn't wondering where in hell, but where for Jashins' sake. I have no idea whether there was a hell in Hidans' religion, but I doubt it.

We were pretty close together of that statue, it was lion or something, but it was in a lying down position (for a lion or dog or whatever) so it was pretty okay to sit on. I was between Hidan and Sasori, which was pretty awkward. Kakuzu was next to Hidan and the last on that side. Sasori was next to Zetsu, and Pein and Konan where at that end. It was kind of weird actually, being squashed up with everyone on some statue, waiting for ten minutes to pass.

Sasori was closer to me than Hidan, and I could feel every movement he made. At eight minutes I could feel his had resting on the stone statue, right next to mine. It seemed weird to me back then, that that was way more important to me than whatever the other were doing. Sasoris' hand next to mine.

At 5 minutes our shoulders were touching, at 4 our fingers were resting slightly on top of each other. At 1 minute he let his head rest on my shoulder and my heart stopped in my chest. I didn't even notice the countdown, just Sasoris' head on my shoulder.

The fireworks made me notice everything else again, and I rushed up to the safety bars like a little puppy. I turned around and called to the others once, and I noticed the look on Sasoris' face, though I didn't understand it. Kind of, falling, I guess. Disappointed. And then they were all there next to me, even Sasori. Though I don't think he was watching the fireworks now. I did then, but I was pretty dumb. I think, I hope, I wish he was watching me.

The whole display lasted fifteen minutes. Every moment of it was amazing. By the time I looked at the others again, Zetsu was downing a bottle of a really suspicious see-through liquid. That was like a signal to the rest of us: real drinking is on now.

We got wasted. Though I don't think I was as bad as (some of) the others. At least I remembered what happened after that point the next morning. I still remember it now.

We basically just tried to sit down in some park and drink and mess around for a while. By the time we tried to get out the gates where locked, which was crap. We had to climb it in the end, which was kind of dangerous since the fence had spikes on top, but we survived it. I noticed that Sasori was swaying already, but that didn't mean much, because by that time, most of us were, but that stuck me as weird for some reason. Well, yeah, Sasori didn't usually get that drunk, he was just that little bit more sensible than the rest of us.

In the end, we got totally lost. Drunk and wandering around a huge city that you don't know is a bad combination. So we just camped out in some underpass. Not exactly smart, but pretty good going for a bunch of drunk kids who would've fallen asleep the middle of a road.

I woke up second I think, Hidan was first, but he was just chucking out whatever was in his stomach a few metres away from everyone else at that point, so I don't think he noticed that Sasori and me had been sleeping with our arms locked around each other. If he did, he was nice enough never to bring it up around the others.

Sasori woke up when I tried to move, and things got pretty awkward after that, but we sorted ourselves out okay before Hidan go back from chucking up or the others woke up.

Which they did, eventually. At some point we managed to find some cheap, run down caf that was sold cheap enough coffee and toast for Kakuzu, miser of the century, to agree to go into, and spent the money we had intended for extra alcohol on various different things that were vaguely edible. Things are always only vaguely edible when you're with Kakuzu. I think we did pretty good, for a bunch of hungover teenagers who were sore all over from sleeping on a concrete floor in various stupid positions in a bloody huge city that we had virtually no clue about. And we got directions to the station.

The whole lot of us crashed at Konans' place that morning, when we finally got back, sleeping off hangovers and trying to uncramp ourselves, but not before we'd eaten every bit of food we could find that was readily edible. At some point I think I overheard Hidan thanking Jashin for pot noodles. At that point I agreed with him, only I didn't care which god I was thanking.

By the time we woke up again it was evening and it was starting to get dark. I had originally told my mom that I'd probably be back by 4 and called her on my mobile, predictably, she'd been panicking, unnecessarily really, I'd only called an hour after I'd arranged to be home. Konan had apparently showered and changed while we were asleep, not as badly affected by New Years day hangovers as the rest of us. Probably only because she had drunken less than us the night, or actually, morning, beforehand.

We ploughed through Konans' house again, eating any food we'd missed earlier, talked about the night before, took a look at a few of the (highly embarrassing, in some cases) pictures that Konan had loaded from Peins' camera onto her computer, and just hung around for a little while.

Sadly, there's always pictures of you drunk, however hard you try to avoid them. Apparently it's a rule of life.

Eventually we all left, or at least I think we all did, though I was one of the first to go, because I'd told my mom I wouldn't be that long, and Sasori left at the same time.

It's about halfway from Konans' to my old house that you have to turn off to get to Sasoris', and when we got there I stopped for a moment to say goodbye. Sasori was looking at me differently than usually, though we hadn't talked while we walked up to that point, so I smiled and asked him if he liked it.

"Yes," he said simply and then smiled like it was more to himself that to me.

So I took a step closer and said

"Yeah, me too, un. Seriously, you should come out more often, un" he looked up at me, completely startled and I knew then he knew what I had meant. I touched his cheek lightly and he nodded, still stunned. So I leaned down and kissed him goodbye, then walked away.

I wish now that I'd said something else, but I was floating on a cloud, suddenly realising more about myself than I ever had before, and I had no idea then about what would happen. Particularly, I didn't know that was going to be one of the last times I saw him, but more importantly, that it was the very last time I was going to talk to him.

I'm staring at the space between my computer and the window now. I'm feeling down, with all the memories of last year whirling around my head like I'm a fairground ride for them. I'm going to count to ten.

If there isn't another wave of fireworks by ten, I'll go to bed.

There's absolutely no one online now. But that's not surprising, it's New Year, the only person I've ever known who'd still be online on New Year has gone to bed, because he's a good boy. I sigh and look down at my hands quickly, I'm feeling really down now, and wish I was out somewhere.

Seven.

The other times I saw Sasori after that where once, when my mom dragged me into school to talk to my principle, and twice, on the platform before the last train I was going to take that year left.

The first time, in school, we arrived just at the beginning of a 5 minute break between lessons. It was bad. I hadn't been in since before the Christmas holidays (which had gone over New Year) and my face was swollen. We were two metres away from the principles office and I was glaring at everyone who stared at my face while they passed when I saw him. Well more accurately he saw me first and I looked in the right direction after he called my name.

Sasori's always been pretty small, so he couldn't really get through the crowds in the hallway without getting swept away, and my mom was holding onto my shoulder like I was a criminal, so I couldn't get to him either. We stood there like that for about ten seconds, and then the crown began to thin and he started coming towards me. He was just out of reach, his arm outstretched like he was going to catch me, when my mom pulled me through the door of the principals' office. She hadn't been paying much attention to me. I head Sasori call out after me, only fitting one syllable in before the door slammed,

"Dei-"

Obviously, the principal, Tsunade, wasn't there, every pupil of the school knew it was a wonder if anyone ever saw her working. Instead, her secretary was sitting at the desk, her name was Shizune, and she was okay, weird and strict, but okay. She looked a little shocked when she saw me.

My mom talked to her for ages, explaining about me.

She wanted me to show the marks, so I put my hands on the desk and unclench them, and there they were alright, the things that made my life go mad.

There's a little slit across each of my palms.

The first time I saw them was the day after I got back from Konans' house. I woke up damn early and I was still shattered, so when I looked at my hands and found them opening up, I pretty much screamed my whole family out of bed. My dad wasn't too happy about that. Nope. Not happy at all.

My sister hovered around outside my door and asked my mom if I was okay as soon as she left my room. I think she thought I'd had a nightmare. She can be super sweet sometimes, my sister.

I think my mom was just as freaked as I was, and she took me straight to hospital to have my hands looked at.

They couldn't explain it, in fact, they couldn't even figure out why they'd just appeared there that morning. My mom took my phone off me when we got out of the hospital though.

Shizune was really confused by all this. I can't blame her really, it's not everyday you get a parent come in saying she wants to have her kid change schools because he's suddenly developed hands in his palms. Nope, not a normal day for the principals' secretary. But I think what mainly confused her was the same thing that had confused me.

"Why do you believe it's necessary for Deidara to switch schools because of this development?" she asked completely calmly.

I hadn't asked like that. I screamed at my mom about that more than I'd screamed when I first saw the stupid things in my hand. In fact, the reason I was in that office two weeks after term started rather than the first was because I'd locked myself in my room whenever my parents where home. They knew I'd been out cause my sister would tell them happily that I'd played some game with her before they got in. I think my mom felt worse about the fact that I was particularly avoiding her than because I was locking myself in my room.

But my mom just insisted I had to change schools, and eventually I got the message that there was no point and gave up. After all, I hadn't been outside in three weeks. She does the same with Shizune. Something about the environment I'm in. She said something about damaging effects of my friends not accepting me anymore. She never really took the time to get to know my friends, but that's not her fault really.

So in the end of that little meeting I was still sitting there, hoping Sasori would still be there when I got out and knowing he wouldn't be. My mom dragged me out of that office and down to the car with every paper she needed signed signed while lessons where still running.

It was then that I realised that I might never see Sasori again.

After that I was planning to lock myself in my room again, but as soon as we got in my mom was zooming around packing, and by that evening she'd packed up everything we owned into a truck, and that was that.

Apparently, she'd already got a house in some little town in the middle of nowhere. That's here.

While she was packing I found my phone though, about 5 minuets before she packed my dad (hell knows why she bothered bringing him), my sister and me into the back of a taxi headed to the station. She had already sold the car.

That seemed suspicious, but there wasn't much I could do.

I had five minuets, my mobile and a table with train times and stuff printed on them, a few things highlighted. So I sent Sasori a text, that read:

9: 45 platform 3 please

And that was it. I didn't have credit to write any more. Or time.

It was 9: 25 when I sent it.

That was the second time I saw Sasori after I'd kissed him goodbye.

I was nervous on the platform. I didn't even have a bag with me and I felt kind of exposed without one. I don't know why, but a train station is just one of those places that you don't feel safe in without a bag. And my sister was clinging to me, which made me even more nervous. I wanted Sasori to turn up. I was just standing there doing nothing and he wasn't there. I started shaking after a few minutes of standing around, and I think I scared my sister.

There was this stupid whistling noise, and another, rumbling one, and then there was a train rolling up in front of me. I'd looked around frantically for Sasori. He wasn't there. By the time my mom had dragged me into the train, I was shaking and freezing and felt like crying. Apparently it was all in my mind. I never would have guessed that. Yeah right.

Just when the train started to move I looked up, and there he was. About a minute too late. There's another thing about Sasori, he hates people being late, himself included. I only saw him for a few seconds, but I'm pretty sure he'd been running, 'cause he was totally out of breath. I think he saw me. I hope he did.

I also think he was crying.

Five. I glance at the window again. Another five, there's still nothing happening on messenger. I open a file of mails I've saved.

He sent me one

One mail, that is.

I haven't talked to him on messenger at all, I think he still doesn't go on at all, he never used to. I was surprised as hell when I got it. It was really short too. Well, I don't think he'd actually meant to send it, like one of those mails you write to your teachers, bitching about them, but never send? A bit like that.

It didn't have subject and it had one line in it. It said this:

_I__'ll never be the same without you here_

When I opened it my first reaction was to say, out loud,

"Well, hell Sasori, that makes me feel better, un"

Okay, maybe that wasn't the best reaction ever, but he wasn't there to see it and I was pretty disappointed. So maybe it was fair.

Four. I'm looking at it now. I spent the whole night crying the day I got it.

I wish I wasn't here. I wonder how he's doing, I hope he's okay, cause he's hardly going to be up, cause he never was. Except maybe that one time.

Three. The doorbells ringing, and I'm standing up and going to answer it. I doubt it'll be for me, but that doesn't matter, cause my sister isn't allowed to open the door and my mom is busy with her. I just hope it's not my dad. He's the last thing I need today, and I can still feel the bruise on my neck that he gave me last time.

My sisters squealing in the next room while I open the door.

One.

The third wave of fireworks goes up, but I hardly notice. They're not half as important as what's standing in front of me. Sasori. He's leaning against the wall and looking up at me with this sheepish smile. I can't believe it.

I've got my arms around him before he can move, and I can feel his breathing against my chest. He's saying something, but I can't understand the words. I'm just saying his name over and over again. And then I'm kissing him. He doesn't seem to mind that, in fact, he's kissing me back. There's a noise behind me and I think my moms come into the hallway to ask who it is, but I'm not sure, cause I haven't stopped kissing Sasori.

Eventually I have to though, cause I'm sobbing and I think he needs to breathe. I'm still saying his name while I bury my head in his neck. I can hear people talking, but I'm still not sure what's going on. I figure it out over the fireworks behind us. Sasori's talking to my mom. He's laughing now, and taking my hand in his, pulling me back into the house.

We sit down at the kitchen table. My sisters there, with a mug of hot chocolate, but she's glued to the window and only gives us a weird glance when we come in.

I can't believe the look on Sasoris' face, he laughing and smiling and running his hands through his hair while he talks. He's telling me about what the others are doing tonight. Apparently not much, but I don't care. I don't care at all, because Sasori's here with me. Finally he looks up at my mom,

"Do you mind if I steal him for a bit?" he asks, and he's pointing at me. My mom nods and turns away.

"Wait, un," I say nervously, and I turn back to my mom,

"When d'you think dad'll be back, un?" I ask quietly, and I'm looking at the floor. She sighs, kind of upset but relieved, and she's not facing me, but looking out the window.

"I... we..." she starts, but I don't think she knows what she wants to say. After a moment she looks at me.

"He's not coming back, Dei," I stare at her, she looks like she's going to cry, so she turns back to the window. Sasori's holding my hand again. I put one arm around her for a moment.

"I'll be back, un," and then Sasori and me are outside, and he's pulling me along behind him.

"Sasori, un," I say and he looks back at me, still smiling.

"Why are we going out here? The Fireworks just finished, un," he laughs,

"I want to show you something, okay?"

We're walking through the field now, the grass here is pretty long and comes up to my knees. We stop next to a ditch, and Sasori pulls me to sit next to him halfway down it. He leans back and so I do the same.

There are no clouds tonight, and there are a million stars above us.

"See Dei, there's always fireworks," he says softly and I frown.

"What d'you mean, un?" I look at him for a moment. He's beautiful. I know beautiful isn't a guy word, you're meant to say something like handsome but Sasori just isn't like that; he's beautiful. He's looking up, and his profile is lit by the starlight, I almost can't look away. He's smiling.

"Deidara," he says and I look back up at the sky. He leans his head against my shoulder.

"Each of those is what happens when a star dies," he glances at me.

"They die your' way; they go out with a bang, and that creates a massive explosion," I nod, I know all of this, too.

"But, none of them are going out now," he moves closer to me.

"Every light you see now, that's going out, happened a few billion years ago, about a million light years away, but we only see them now," I'm trying to concentrate on the sky, but it's really difficult with him this close next to me.

"They're frozen Dei, frozen in time but moving on forever. Each one of those stars made its last movement millennia ago, but they're still shining, and not forgotten. And somewhere in the universe, they'll always be there,"

I know what he means now, and the idea's enticed me. It's amazing, and I can't help staring at them for a little while longer. I make a little noise to tell him that I agree.

"Frozen fireworks, then, un?" He laughs and turns to me.

"Yeah, Dei, they're frozen fireworks," and then he kisses me again, but it's different this time, his fingers tugging at my shirt.

I know then that we'll be out there all night.

When it's nearly morning I've still got my arms around him, but something's bugging me now.

"'Sori?" I mumble and he makes a soft noise as a response.

"How're we gonna see each other now, un?" he looks up at me now, and from his face, I know he was thinking about this too.

We're silent for a bit, but I can tell we're both thinking about it. He looks at me and grins,

"Off topic, I know, but I got you some sparklers," he chuckles.

I blush slightly, but take the packet from him and light one with a lighter we find in his bag. He takes out another one and lights it on mine.

I'm surprised. Like I said, Sasori hates fireworks.

"Don't worry about it," he says when they've burnt out halfway, and I've almost forgotten what he's talking about.

"We'll figure it out," he leans around his sparkler and kisses my cheek. He takes my hand in his.

"As long as there are fireworks up there," he whispers in my ear just as the sparklers go out.


End file.
